FAMILIAR SPIRIT.....

 I was lying in bed, light out but I still couldn’t sleep after a long period of tossing and turning. I had over a million things in my head {life, career, passion, emotional ish}, the list could go on endless, but the thought of what happened earlier in the afternoon was top of the things going on in this my cute little head. *sigh*

Funmi and I went to visit this friend of ours earlier on in the day. Mimi, Funmi and I were childhood friends but Mimi was posted to Port Harcourt for National Youth Corper Service (NYSC), we keep in touch with her though but she’s been distant lately. She decided to stay back in Port Harcourt because she got retained at her place of service and met this cool guy that swept her off her swift feet {I call her that as she never walks slowly}.

Mimi was around (Lagos) because she was on leave at work, so she decided to use that opportunity to see her folks and close pals as well. She called us from the airport in a cheerful voice saying; “babes I don land ooh, make una show nau nau.” Funmi and I were quite surprised as we weren’t expecting her until next week. Funmi said; “silly babe, she dey try surprise us for her mind abi?  She lucky say me with Afolabi never go him Papa and Mama side for the weekend,” I replied; “she would have been the surprised one then.” We both laughed and got ready to go see the naughty and impulsive drifter of a girl we missed so much.

Funmi and I got to Mimi’s house, we were about to knock on the door when we saw it fling open, Mimi on the other end screamed; “Shantelle! Funmi! OMG, I don miss una die o, group hug hay!!!” We all hugged, laughed and went into the house in a playful and happy mood. Mimi sat down facing us and saying; “Chicas too much gist mehn, I don’t even know where to start from, wow! It’s been like a year or what?”  I and Funmi echoed together; “you can like to start from what’s going on with you and your bobo.” Mimi sighed and her facial expression changed all of a sudden. “Funmi! Shantelle! It started out to be everything I hoped it would be, even though we had our differences, but one way or the other we always work it out and move on to better things”.

Mimi went on about how her boyfriend being all sweet, nice, caring and always there, loving her from her hair follicles to her toe nails, and that made her really fall head over heels for him. She then said gradually he started changing from who he use to be to someone she doesn’t even recognize anymore. The talk they use to have started reducing, he’s always busy all of a sudden and they hardly see anymore, just once in a while and even when they see or she goes to his place to spend some time with him, he’s always complaining about one thing or the other about her, like; “Mimi why does this food taste somehow?” Why are you pressing the toothpaste from in between and not the bottom?” Why is everywhere looking so scattered?” That he complains about virtually everything and they are usually irrelevant stuff, she got all confused and started thinking maybe she isn’t good enough anymore. 

She called his attention to it but he claimed everything was alright that it was work and some personal projects he’s working on taking all his time and making him all cranky, she should try and understand, it’s not like things have always been this way. He was so convincing, Mimi thought she was the one overreacting and she let sleeping dogs lie but instead of things getting better, it became worse. She got all confused, she had different ideas in her head; “Is he cheating? Maybe he’s tired and wants out? Maybe am not good enough for him anymore? Or maybe he’s actually busy”. Mimi said one thing she realized was that anytime she acted like she doesn’t even care and stop giving him attention, he snaps back to reality and starts to act like the guy he use to be, showers her with gifts and giving her all his concentration. This has been going on for awhile now and she really doesn’t get what’s going on with him anymore. 

She tried letting go off him but each time that happens, he starts to beg profusely and act normal. Mimi went on and on about this her boyfriend’s hot and cold attitude that’s almost leaving her emotionally damaged. He won’t let her go yet he keeps acting like a jerk a**. Matters over to us now, Mimi asking us what we think she should do. I and Funmi looked at each other, speechless for awhile and trying to be careful with, what kind of advice we will give this our hurting friend.

I spoke first; “Mimi how much do you love this guy? She replied; “Shantelle you shouldn’t be asking me that, you know how I feel”, “ok ok I know Mimi you love him a whole lot, but how much does he know?” I asked. Mimi sighted; “he knows as much as I do.” Before I could ask her the next question, Funmi but in asking; “do you ever go through his phone, like his calls, text, chat and all? But before Mimi could reply I did; “Funmi so you think it’s cool to go through your boyfriend’s phone? That’s so wrong and it always does more harm to you than good, if you say you love someone and you can’t at least give them the benefit of doubt then you should rethink that love, not checking his phone log. It doesn’t make you stupid you know? It shows you are smart and matured enough to let his business be his, even if he was cheating on you, it wouldn’t change anything even if you see something on his phone, it will only make him more careful next time. So learn to be the bigger person but remember whatever you do be smart and wise about it. So back to you Mimi I have this feeling your boyfriend is suffering from something I call the Familiar Spirit aka See Finish.

The symptoms are that he doesn’t want to let go yet he’s taking advantage of your undying love for him. I asked Mimi again; “does he make you really happy even in his stupidity?” She smiled and said; “yes he does make me happy, even though he acts ups and moody, he still cares and would not hurt me intentionally.” I replied; “then your problem is solved, you should have a heart to heart talk with him, then if he starts to misbehave, become unfamiliar for a while, it probably means he misses his ‘lone time and he needs it, when the familiar spirit subsides then he would come looking for you again, and you have to let him know that he might be too late then. Mimi, I don’t think you should worry your pretty self much ok love.” I said; she smiled, hugged me closely and said; “Shantelle what would I do without you? Absolutely nothing dear, this why I miss you so much,” before we could finish our emotional hugs and all, Funmi rushed to separate us facing Mimi; “so you don’t miss me shey? Me am not helpful abi? Ok oh!” Mimi replied; “ha! ha!! Funmi na you I love pass na,” we all laughed. Funmi and I said our goodbyes after so much gist and life in Port Harcourt talk from Mimi, we made plans to hang out the next day and Funmi was going to introduce Mimi to Afolabi. 

Still lying in bed with so much thought in my head, I can’t stop wondering why guys have this selfish chauvinistic ego; it must always be about them. See that Nimi too, I wonder why he can’t seem to make up his mind and the funniest part is once I divert, I usually don’t give second chances and trust me my first chance has a lot of chances because I know once it’s gone, going back is not choice.

 Please being vulnerable doesn’t mean you are weak, it just shows you are capable of giving so much love without being afraid of it. Stop acting like a ROBOT; show you are capable of feeling love in your heart.
To those that take advantage of someone’s love, it just shows how weak you are inside and try checking out your self esteem, it must need more a little more than small boost. Trust me it does more damage to you than the other people.